Always and Forever

IMG_2471My  precious Eva,

Six months ago today, you left your footprints forever engraved on our hearts, entering and leaving our lives too soon.  I know you cannot understand our grief, surrounded by the peace and love of heaven, but we miss you.

You were so wanted and loved by this family from the moment of your conception.  Almost as soon as we knew I was pregnant with you, the bleeding started.  We prayed so hard for God to save your life…and he did, for 22 weeks.  We got to hear your heartbeat and see it on ultrasound so many times.  As you grew, we saw you move and dance on the screen.  Daddy and I both felt you move, me for the first time at 12 weeks and him at 13 weeks, earlier than we ever had before.  Your sisters talked to you with us, and were so excited for you to join our family, especially Bella, who knew from the beginning you’d be a girl.  We were so blessed by your life.

When you came too early to stay with us on earth, we all deeply mourned our loss, knowing, though, that this separation is temporary until we see you again in heaven.  I know that you are happy in heaven, God has reminded me of that so many times.  But I would have liked to know you here, now.  I wanted to hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep.  I wanted to laugh and play with you, to watch you play and grow with your sisters.  I wanted to kiss your skinned knees and help you learn to ride a bike.  So it’s the loss of those moments that I mourn, but I cannot grieve the life you have in heaven.  I know it is perfect and whole and joyful, and I know yours is the face I will see when my turn comes to leave this earth.  And because of that, I can never be afraid of death.

Thank you, my Eva Lucia, my light and life, for all you’ve taught me.  From you, I’ve learned that I have nothing to fear, for even death cannot separate me forever from those I love.  From you, I’ve learned that I have a hope and a faith that cannot be shaken.  From you, I’ve learned the value of every life, and that I must make today count because tomorrow is not a guarantee.  And from you, I’m learning every day to love better and more fully, because I want my legacy on this earth to be one of love.  You have profoundly and irrevocably impacted my life.

I love you always and forever, my child.

Your mama